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Name: Scheckter’s Organic Energy
Country of origin: UK
Purchased at: Camden Sainsbury’s
Cost: £1
Can design: 7/10
Drink: 3/10
Tastes like: Your weird uncle Hector has made you a glass of Ribena, but he’s not rinsed the fairy liquid out the glass properly, and he’s put about 4 times too much Ribena in, and you don’t even really know what seltzer water is but you’re sure he’s put some of that in there.
Reviewed by L. Blair.
Name: T.A.S Young Coconut J.U.I.C.E (with pulp)
Country of origin: Thailand
Purchased at: Garnet Foods, Garnet Street, London
Cost: 65p
Can Design: 4/10
Drink: 1/10
Tastes like: Unaware of the colourful world of T.A.S drinks I naively grabbed a can of ‘Young coconut’.
I was hit with the taste of stagnant water mixed with the dregs of a can of cheap lager, and left an unpleasent aftertaste of cool original doritos.
Although the can was ice cold, the contents were disturbingly warm. I could only bring myself to take 2 sips,
upon emptying out the can i noticed there were white chunks floating within, presumably they were coconut, but im not entirely sure…
Reviewed by S. Green
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Name: Haitai CocoPalm
Country of origin: Korea
Purchased at: Asian Mart, Gloucester Rd, Bristol
Cost: 99p
Can design: 5/10
Drink: 5/10
Tastes like: Flat, saccharine sweet, american grape flavour. Unbelievably sugary, and has a faint canal water tinge to it - which i presume is the coconut. I can feel my teeth dissolving.
Reviewed by L. Owen
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Name: ?
Country of origin: Korea
Purchased at: Asian Mart, Gloucester Rd, Bristol
Cost: 99p
Can design: 7/10
Drink: 4/10
Tastes like: Very weak peach squash.
Reviewed by L. Owen
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Name: AGV Barley Drink
Country of origin: Taiwan
Purchased at: Wai Yee Hong Oriental Supermarket, Eastgate Oriental City, Eastgate Rd, Bristol
Cost: 85p
Can design: 8/10
Drink: 0/10
Tastes like: One of the most awful liquids i have ever smelt or drank. Couldn’t even muster a single swig, a few droplets on the tongue were enough to conclude that this is prime hurling material.
Reviewed by L. Owen
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Name: Iron Brew
Country of origin: South Africa
Purchased at: Savanna, Victoria Station
Cost: £1.40
Can design: 3.5/10
Drink: 7/10
Tastes like: A less nuclear ‘IRN-BRU’, with notes of Cherry and Vanilla Coke. Nicer than the Scottish version? Yes.
Reviewed by L. Blair
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Name: G Power, 100% nartual energy malt drink with ginseng and gurana
Country of origin: Denmark via Trinidad
Purchased at: Khan’s Bargain Emporium, Rye Lane, Peckham
Cost: 49p
Can design: 4/10
Drink: 2/10
Tastes like: Slightly disappointed by this after getting excited by the obvious potential implied by the descripton on the can. You would think i’d have learnt this by now, but alas i was foolhardy - it tastes smells and looks, like Red Bull. With a touch of low quality strawberry laces. Here comes the jitters.
Reviewed by L. Owen
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Name: Oranj Orange and Pineapple (with Orange sac’s)
Country of origin: Turkey
Purchased at: Khan’s Bargain Emporium, Rye Lane, Peckham
Cost: 69p
Can design: 4/10
Drink: 7/10
Tastes like: the leftover juice from a tin of pineapple pieces mixed with straight sugarfree Orange squash. Strangely refreshing, but I guess any liquid could be refreshing on a fucking blazing hot day like today.
Reviewed by L. Owen
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Name: Ree Coco Coconut Juice with pulp
Country of Origin: Thailand
Purchased at: Ozzy’s, Mile End
Price: 60p
Can Design: 7/10
Drink: 3/10
Tastes like: The immediate visual impression is of babies’ teeth floating in brine. The flavour is of nougat passed its sell by date floating in the milk left in the bowl after all the Ricicles have been eaten.
Reviewed by Fleabitter
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Name: Childrens Beer Can
Country of origin: Japan
Purchased at: Cyber Candy, Upper Street. (Ok, let’s address the elephant in the room that is Cyber Candy. When it comes down to it, buying drinks at Cyber Candy is cheating. I know it, you know it, we all know it. There is none of the usual magic of discovery, no stumbling upon a goldmine when you are least expecting it, there is no ‘thank you come again’ and there is no change-left-over-for-the-bus-fair-home. You go to Cyber Candy when you are out of ideas, when you are willing to pay over the odds for drinks that you could probably find for half the price in Chinatown. It is a soulless experience, but sometimes a necessary one. And this time, for my sins, it was worth it.)
Cost: £1.27
Can design: 8/10
Drink: 9/10
Tastes like: Appletizer. And melon. And yes, there is a distant flat-lager twang. Its fantastic, and when you pour it into a glass it has a head. Very possibly better than beer.
Reviewed by L. Blair
